Ladies and gentlemen who read these blog posts, I wanted to let you all know that as of today I have successfully completed my first year in college!
I could not be more proud of myself than I am right now.
Now, onto some serious stuff. As most of y'all know, I am majoring in music, and this whole school year I have learned a lot about myself. I declared my major in performance. I am striving to be successful and someday play in Disney Scores and/or be in a band. I am learning a lot about the technicalities, foundations and all those wonderful useless facts about music. I absolutely love this and I know that this is what I am meant to do. I love being on stage and performing so much! This specific major requires a lot of hard work. Most music classes are only one credit hour so you have to take twice as many music classes as most other people in other majors. This year I ran into a couple of problems with a few of my classes and my GPA severely dropped. Nevertheless I still successfully passed most of my classes. :)
Being a music major involves a lot of self-doubt, self-hatred, self-motivation, self-perseverance and basically all of the other words that start with "self". Self-induced pain is what I call my major. I love what I am doing but at the same time it is a lot of hard work. I can't help but think "what if I did something else with my life?" All the hours I need to practice, on top of my studies and performances are insane and top it all off with a (almost) full-time job!
Despite it all, I can't imagine doing anything else with my life.I love music :) <3
I think that after getting past all of the self-doubt, the hardest part is peer support. There are so many times where I am just crumbling down and I have anxiety attacks. Here is where that self-induced pain comes in. "what if my friends don't want to support what I am doing?" or "maybe they don't really care about you" and how about "you suck and that's why they don't give a crap about whatever your goals in life are." It's sad how many times a week I've felt completely alone like I really don't matter and I will never accomplish anything in life. I know that I've got some really amazing friends and I am extremely thankful to them, I actually love them so much, but sometimes I can't bear to think that they don't care about me, in terms of my future.
Here's the real question: Once I am producing my music, and performing, would you come to the shows and would you buy the songs?
To put it simply, I have some big ambitions and I wish that I wasn't the only one with big dreams like this.
If anyone is interested in starting a band, let me know and we can get started on something ;)
Life gets hard, but don't forget your friends and family. They will be with you no matter what.
