Every single person
in this business has at some point in their life hit a low note. There are
always those days when you question the legitimacy of this dream. There is
always a point when you doubt your abilities and question everything you stand
for. As a sophomore in college, I know that I am just beginning, yet there are
times when I have experienced that feeling. I've questioned my career enough
times, to where I've been close to dropping out and quitting. There are moments
when I'm left to wonder if this is all worth it. I've neglected my practice
over the holiday break, and even though I'm fully engulfed in my band class, I
guess I'm not as serious about this as I was before. I had one of the most
rigorous auditions and although I had a long time to prepare for it, I didn't
feel like I had the help I needed until the very last second. Last semester I
had my first jury, and I only had a two week notice to prepare for it. I walked
into the room after several violinists and I was freaking out. Judging
musicians is tough, because it's difficult to tell where they are and where
they are supposed to be. I've been playing for five years but sometimes, it
feels like it's been a lot shorter.
I wasn't as excited
to take private lessons this semester, for the last few weeks I've been
questioning my seriousness in this business.
After my lesson was over, I realized why I keep doing this.
It's because I love
it. Over the last couple weeks, I've
been going to different shows and watch some of my favorite local saxophonists.
These are people I really look up to. I finally got to meet a former employee of
the company I work for, and alum to the school I currently attend. He is
someone whose footsteps I'm basically following. It is really astonishing to see how far he
has gone in his career. I talked to my Private Lessons Professor about it, and
he knows the guy because he was his instructor too. At some point in time, I hope to be where he
is now.
For a while, I had
been thinking, "I'm not going anywhere," despite a few friends who
keep reminding me that I am just starting out. Yes, this is difficult, but with
enough patience and a ton of practice, I can do this too!
For anyone who is struggling:
It will all be okay. Remember why you do what you do and why you want to do it. Re-kindle your passion for it, any way possible. Just don't ever forget it.
