Brand New Hero

Ladies and gentlemen who read these blog posts, I wanted to let you all know that as of today I have successfully completed my first year in college! 

I could not be more proud of myself than I am right now. 

Now, onto some serious stuff. As most of y'all know, I am majoring in music, and this whole school year I have learned a lot about myself. I declared my major in performance. I am striving to be successful and someday play in Disney Scores and/or be in a band. I am learning a lot about the technicalities, foundations and all those wonderful useless facts about music. I absolutely love this and I know that this is what I am meant to do. I love being on stage and performing so much! This specific major requires a lot of hard work. Most music classes are only one credit hour so you have to take twice as many music classes as most other people in other majors. This year I ran into a couple of problems with a few of my classes and my GPA severely dropped. Nevertheless I still successfully passed most of my classes. :) 

Being a music major involves a lot of self-doubt, self-hatred, self-motivation, self-perseverance  and basically all of the other words that start with "self". Self-induced pain is what I call my major. I love what I am doing but at the same time it is a lot of hard work. I can't help but think "what if I did something else with my life?" All the hours I need to practice, on top of my studies and performances are insane and top it all off with a (almost) full-time job!

  Despite it all, I can't imagine doing anything else with my life.I love music :) <3

I think that after getting past all of the self-doubt, the hardest part is peer support. There are so many times where I am just crumbling down and I have anxiety attacks. Here is where that self-induced pain comes in. "what if my friends don't want to support what I am doing?" or "maybe they don't really care about you" and how about "you suck and that's why they don't give a crap about whatever your goals in life are." It's sad how many times a week I've felt completely alone like I really don't matter and I will never accomplish anything in life. I know that I've got some really amazing friends and I am extremely thankful to them, I actually love them so much, but sometimes I can't bear to think that they don't care about me, in terms of my future. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XA8WZg2oJmc

Here's the real question: Once I am producing my music, and performing, would you come to the shows and would you buy the songs? 

To put it simply, I have some big ambitions and I wish that I wasn't the only one with big dreams like this. 

If anyone is interested in starting a band, let me know and we can get started on something ;) 

Life gets hard, but don't forget your friends and family. They will be with you no matter what.  

SO MUCH TO SAY. NOT ENOUGH TIME. NOT THE RIGHT WORDS

When people have near death experiences, they claim to have seen their life flash before their eyes. I can honestly say that out of the many times I could've, almost, possibly have died not ONCE have I ever seen my life flash before my eyes.
Earlier this summer I had the lovely pleasure to hang upside down a cliff of a mountain in the town of Antimony. I was completely safe and terrified. I knew that the people who ran the resort-place had me and that nothing was going to happen. I knew that I was not going to fall 70 feet to my death because I knew I was secure and they had me. Oddly enough I often wonder to myself: what would've happened if they had not secured the ropes or if they weren't there…

 

 It seems that we take so many things for granted even though we shouldn't. There are many experiences in which we partake that could possibly be our last. How do we cope with the post-trauma that comes from a near death experience like hanging upside-down on a cliff 4 hours from home?





The answer is easy; YOLO

Live your every waking moment as if it was your last. Take risks and chances, especially when it comes to telling your friends how much you appreciate them or the people you look up to how much they mean to you. Be kind to others, because one day it's going to haunt you. Being rescued from the potential fall to my doom made me realize how fragile life is. I thought that reppeling down a rock would be fun and easy… it really wasn't. As the adult I am, I chose not to immediately run and call my mom. I do remember she told me to not do anything stupid… lately all I do is make stupid decisions. I don't regret my decisions because when they occurred, it was exactly what I wanted.

The feelings of depression, sadness and loneliness stopped after my ex and I broke up. For a while it was all great again but as summer began to end, I began to feel sad and lonely again. This time it was a different type of depression. I thought that maybe nobody cared about me or nobody wanted to hang out with me, but that's not the case. Everyone is just so busy with their lives and I'm not.

I ask myself "What would've happened if I had not come back from that trip?" and I know the answer. My best friends would be really upset and hate me for not being safe but still miss me. My other friends would be sad. Some people would be trying to cope with the feeligns, and some may not even know. I've come to realize that it's okay if nobody cares about my death except my family and close friends. They are the only one that matter.

We spend so much time trying to figure out what to say that we miss out on so many opporunities. I know that there are things I want to say to different people but I get so caught up on the moment that I forget to tell them and realize it's too late when I got home. So many people have influenced my life in different ways and I want them to know that they mean the world to me!

Advice:
Take time to let people know what they mean to you. Let your friends know that they are beautiful inside and out. Tell your role models that you look up to them and love them. Tell your professors that their lesson rocked! Just make sure you don’t spend too much time thinking about it. Just go with it.