Sometimes It Just Feels Like It's All Your Fault

 Sometimes I can't help but think that the reason everything I've been involved in failed because I was involved in it.

Saxophone

So, I started writing this when I was feeling really low. I was frustrated that I am not where I want to be in my career. I was frustrated that I've failed so many times and haven't given up. It was a moment in which I almost did give it up. When the outbreak hit, the band I am in stopped rehearsing to prevent contagion. We're a six piece group in a small, enclosed space. Two of us play wind instruments. 

I can't help think that it's my fault that the groups I've tried forming have failed. There were many factors, but sometimes I wonder what would've happened if I hadn't been there. Would they have succeeded? These kinds of thoughts get me to a dark place really quickly. 

When I returned to this draft, I had just spent a bit of time watching old performances. I saw how much I've improved since I started playing. I know I'm a great saxophonist, yet somehow the impostor syndrome kicks in and I begin questioning it. 

I regret to say that I haven't practiced diligently since April or May. I've picked up my saxophone a couple times during this pandemic. The desire to play has left. I've played guitar at least once a week, so music is still a large part of my week, but saxophone will always be my true love. What happened? 

I wish I knew. I wish I didn't have destructive thoughts about my career. 

Pandemic 

The events that have happened in UT since March 18 was not something we could've predicted. All the projects and gigs I had lined up for this year got cancelled. We were looking at a demo to be done by June and have a solid song line up for our Halloween show. We wanted to have a full length album released in the near future. I was scheduled to play bass in a community production of a well-loved musical. My duet was starting to write our own original songs and had started to sign up for open-mic events. I was able to return to the community jazz band I've been a part of for the last three years. Not to mention all of the concerts that I would've attended, touring and local. 

Things were going great, it looked to be a great year. I guess in a way, I'm mad that it happened and that we are living the way we are. I understand how we got here. 

The pandemic is something I know isn't my fault. I know that there's nothing I could do (by myself) to fix the whole problem. It's something that's completely out of my hands. 

Optimistic

A friend and I were reminiscing on live concerts we attended together. I explained to them how much I missed live music and they proceeded to tell me that things will go back to normal. Sometimes I find that hard to believe. 

As I continue to live my day to day life, some days I think "maybe they're right," 

I look forward to the day when my band can rehearse again and I can play saxophone at public events. 

 

Covid-19 Update: Week 1 --- Uncharted Territory

When the Governor of Utah gave a two-week student dismissal as a precaution to the ongoing coronavirus pandemic, most of us teacher wondered what it meant for us.

To our surprise, it meant that suddenly we were moving to online learning platforms. Teacher employed by the district were to spend Monday & Tuesday uploading their curriculum online. The goal was to implement the online learning on Wednesday.

Private instructors, like myself -- employed by a third party, sat in limbo while our employer found ways for our classes to continue. All the questions came rushing through my head. Do I still have to teach? Am I losing my job? What will happen to my children? Will they continue practicing? Who is gonna cheer them on through these next few weeks? How can i keep my students entertained during this time?

I spent most of my Saturday night and Sunday morning preparing for what I thought would be a temporary fix to the situation. I just wanted to give them a way to continue practicing and receiving feedback. By Monday, I had received the news that I was going to teach online & my curriculum should be uploaded by Wednesday.
Piece of cake, I had already begun my quest for online teaching tools. This was gonna be easy!

Wednesday was not kind.

The Salt Lake Valley woke up to a thundering 5.7 magnitude earthquake.

 The earthquake rattled me a lot more than I like to admit (although clearly I'm admitting to it).Still in uncharted territory, using the platforms I was most familiar with, I had submitted all my assignments for students to access with due dates and everything. I included detailed instructions and a paragraph about how due to the unforeseen circumstances, if the assignments were late, that was okay. I really just wanted them to become familiar with the program.

Then we get to the issues. Not every student has accesses to the proper equipment needed to complete assignments properly. I worry that some parents are not reading the emails, or flat out ignoring me. I worry, constantly, about my students who were struggling and how I can help them understand the concepts. I'm extremely grateful for the parents who continuously support me & my program. They are the reason I can continue doing what I love.

Being a music teacher, in uncharted territory, I've learned that I am not alone. The last week, I've spent countless hours on conference calls with colleagues all around the state and country trying to figure this out. We are all doing the same but different things. Spent hours uploading my curriculum, only to find it was uploaded wrong and had to start over.

Don't try to re-invent the wheel. Keep your students engaged and entertained. Provide learning and instruction but also don't be super picky.
Watch the video below. This was a webinar provided by the NAMM Foundation & NAfME. It's about this exact thing we are living and trying to figure out. Bridging the Gap: Learning and Teaching Music Online.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSUaMeIyCVc&feature=youtu.be

Now, the biggest concern I have is: how am I going to recruit for next year's band program?
Many schools across the country are closing for the rest of the school year. This takes away from performance opportunities for my students, which are often used as recruitment tools. Recruitment is key in keeping a beginning band program alive.
I honestly don't know what I am going to do, but you best bet that I will be on more phone calls trying to figure it out.

This is all new.

NAMM 2020

The time has come again where I drive myself to California for a full week to immerse myself in the music industry.
Each year I attend the NAMM show, I feel like I learn so much. I am grateful that my company allows me to attend each year.

I had a cute little AirBnB rented out in Long Beach area. I was like 15 minutes from Seal Beach. My AirBnB hosts were great, they had a guide on local spots to try. 

I drove to California early Wednesday morning and arrived to my airbnb by 4. 

On my way to Anaheim, I stopped by Long Beach Woodwinds to have them quickly take a look at my Clarinet that has been having some issues. Brian was helpful and gave me a few pointers on what I could do to improve my playing. He suggested that next time I'm in town, I bring both clarinets in and they could see if they could make the nicer one play the way I want it. I definitely recommend them for all woodwind/brasswind repairs in the Long Beach area! 

The first event I attended was the Women at NAMM event where I got to network with some amazing women entrepreneurs and see how SWIM (Smart Women In Music) has grown in the last year. 

 Thursday was the first day at NAMM, like always I walked around the convention center looking at the exhibits and booths. I started with all of the vendors we carry. This year the company did not attend the show, there were a couple of my colleagues there on other businesses. I got to hang out with them and get to know them better. I finished my mentorship with Becky from Pritchard Music in Maryland. She was an amazing mentor & I will continue communicating with her in the future with my career. She's been an inspiration to me as a music educator. I hope someday I can be like her. 

I attended several seminars and workshops for the sake of professional development. Some of my favorite ones were about social media and marketing. That night was the NAMM YP social gathering, I met some really cool young entrepreneurs and got to hang out with my NAMMily adn catch up. I made some new friends I've stayed in contact with and my favorite part of all of this is supporting their projects. 

On Friday, Kevin Lyman (founder of Warped Tour) gave a presentation I got to attend and he talked about IKIGAI and some pointers in running a festival. I got to play with some guitar synths and even met Lars Frederiksen from Rancid!  I learned so much about new products we would be carrying and even more about products we can order. It was definitely worthwhile. 

Saturday, I started the day with attending the Grand Rally for Music Education. Bobby McFerrin  & Gimme5 performed and it was a very unifying performance. They got the audience to interact through call & response rhythms. It was very touching. 

Every year, the Grand Rally for Music Education reminds me why I do what I do. In the ballroom, I am sitting with students, educators and advocates who believe in the power of music. 

I ended the day by going to Downtown Disney and watching Suburban Legends perform. Suburban Legends are one of my favorite third-wave ska bands from Orange County. 

Sunday was my last day in California. I went to Old Town Cafe at Seal Beach for breakfast. The service was splendid and the food was delicious. I had a waffle and hot chocolate. After spending most of the morning at the beach listening to the waves & music, I took a trip up to the Los Angeles observatory. Science is amazing. The observatory is basically a planetarium. There were exhibits on earth and outer space. 

 

When I'm In The Pit

It's been nearly 5 years since I've been in a pit orchestra. Over the course of these last 5 years, I've kept myself busy with other projects like studying at SLCC, playing with the Murray Concert Band and West Jordan City Jazz Band as well as a brief summer as SLCC's Summer Spirit Band's Drum Major-- my experience with music has not been dull.
For as few gigs I play, rehearsals take up a lot of time. I also go to a lot of concerts-- at least once a month. I LOVE MUSIC! When there's no events going on, I get bored and end up finding something else to keep me on my toes. The past couple years school had kept me too busy, but this year I had a free summer.

Pit Orchestra Rehearsal

Herriman Orchestra

The Search Begins:

I grew restless knowing I didn't have any upcoming projects over the summer. My band was on hiatus and I didn't know what was going on with anything else, I found myself with more time than I knew what to do with. For a while I had wanted to return to the theater aspect of performing arts. I had a lot of fun playing in West Side Story and Joseph & The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat in high school. I knew that it was time to find a pit orchestra that would take me. After doing some digging around my community, I came up empty on local theater companies with live orchestras.

One of my friends was playing guitar in a musical, and after the show one night, I got talking with the drummer. In the program her biography listed countless groups she played professionally with. These groups were all pit orchestras.We talked about my frustrations of a lack of local theater companies with live pits, she gave me some pointers and suggestions about where to go from here. She suggested a local company 20 minutes from my house, doing "Joseph & The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" over the summer. I could not be more ecstatic.

I reached out the Arts Council and was pointed in the right direction. It's a community orchestra, with volunteers who just want to play. Luckily, I fit the criteria and had the opportunity to join. 

Trial By Fire:

The Orchestra didn't need more woodwinds, but they did need guitarists. I somehow wound up in a situation where I had agreed to play guitar for them. Being aware that I needed to play guitar, I was in dire need for an upgraded rig. I bought a new Boss Katana 100 amp and a neat Fender Stratocaster to pair with my Taylor GS Mini. Knowing guitar is not my strongest instrument, I decided to take private lessons through a teacher I work with. He was very helpful and willing to explain concepts that were foreign to me. The second I got the music, I went through it and realized it was going to be more work than I thought. I would need to learn a whole new instrument and be able to play it proficiently in five months. Piece of cake, right?
My weekly lessons started before our weekly rehearsals, before I knew it, the full cast rehearsals had begun. In the blink of an eye I found myself at Tech Week. I started freaking out because I realized I didn't know the music. I was playing lead guitar and there were whole songs that I still could not play. I would get home from rehearsal in a panic thinking to myself "I can't do this," and "I should quit now." There were days where I spent three hours practicing and my fingers hurt. Some of the songs were melodic and I couldn't play them to speed, other songs had chords I wasn't familiar with.
My guitar teacher was very nice and encouraging. He told me I could do it, and I had been working hard. Even when I voiced my concerns with some of the orchestra members they told me that "some guitar is better than no guitar at all."
I could do this.

Playout

The shows came and went, and now I sit here one week after closing night thinking about how grateful I am for the opportunity to have played the show. I realize that I'm not sad it's over, because deep down I know that I will always have a home with the Herriman Orchestra whether that's as a guitarist or as a saxophonist.  It's wild to think that all my new friends met me as a guitarist.
I'm glad I did it.  All it took was a leap of faith.

I'm so grateful to have played a show I am familiar with, and love.
It made learning a new instrument a lot easier.

About Me

I thought I had already created the "about me" post... as I'm looking back, I realize I hadn't so here it is. 

Greeting, my name is Aly

To say I appreciate music would be a total understatement! I am a musician and a music advocate. Currently residing in West Jordan, UT and working at a local music shop. I teach private lessons as well as elementary band classes locally. 
Primarily a saxophonist, but have grown my talents as a multi-instrumentalist. Other instrumental hobbies of mine include; clarinet, flute, guitar, ukulele, jaw harp & bass guitar. 
I love learning, and if I can get my hands on an instrument, I will take my time to learn it. I can play a lot of instruments except kazoo.

Hobbies:
I love photography, nature & travel. The social media-verse is expanding at a rapid pace in which anyone can be a blogger, and here is my little piece of the universe. I don't write very often, I work a full time job and spend a lot of time involved in music. 

I'm excited to see where this goes, if anything I'm excited to share my adventures & thoughts. 

 

Thoughts at 9 AM on Saturday

During my early mornings, I teach an elementary band class. I've been teaching for 4 years and it's brought all kinds of emotions to me. Some mornings, its difficult to want to get up and make the 20 minute commute. Some of the struggles include: being on time despite all the students showing up 15 minutes late, struggles with rhythm and basic concepts covered the first week, and bad posture. Along with struggles, we also see a lot of successes, friendships made, and the personal growth.

I love seeing students who were not able to hold their instruments in October, grow into the cute little musicians in training who can play "Jurassic Park" almost flawlessly. Their musical development impresses me, and I become so emerged in teaching.  Suddenly, it doesn't matter to me that I had to drive 40 minutes in the snow storm to bring these students joy. 

The other day, I had been considering my resignation. With less than two months left of  the school year, I didn't think I should. After a series of events negative events with the company, I almost did. The day I was sure I was going to hand in my two-weeks, one of my beginners came up to me and said "Miss Aly, I love band!" and I realized that if I could make a difference in someone's life then I guess I'm doing alright. 

Riverton Music Youth Orchestra || Most of my Advanced Elementary Band auditioned for a spot and got in!

Along with my band students, I also have been teaching private lessons for a whole year and it has been an enriching experience. I have taught some really talented young musicians and have watched them grow immensely. I look forward to my private lessons, because we have fun learning music and playing duets. Private lessons have made me a better player and a better instructor. My first student had her first recital and I cried watching her perform. It's breathtaking to see students' strengths and weaknesses and how they refine them. I'm proud of all my students and their accomplishments, learning an instrument takes time and effort, and some of them really put it forth. 

... And then comes 9 AM on Saturday mornings. We host a group guitar class, which my colleague teaches. We have been hosting this class for almost two years, and I've seen some of these students grow up and learn from my colleague. That's where I started getting serious about guitar, I began learning with some of my colleague's students and they recognize me from working the front counter. I've had to sub the group guitar class a couple times, and those kids are adorable. Talking to my colleague, I can tell he enjoys teaching them too. With my most recent experience in mind, they were funny and all around great to teach. 

During the group guitar class, my other colleague teaches piano. Every now and then he will have me sub for his students too, and seeing the rates at which students progress amazes me. The store doesn't open until 10, so being there at 9 doesn't bother me, despite what my colleagues would think. I love seeing those kids grow and develop their skills as young musicians. I may be groggy and tired, but it is 100% worth seeing the students become better. I've seen a good handful of students grow into talented young musicians. As long as they keep practicing and never stop learning, they will be going places. 

 Sometimes, we are all these students have. Sometimes, we are able to bring joy to them because music connects us in un-explainable ways. As teachers, we don't know what happens before or after those 45 minutes the students see us. If we can provide some sort of positive change or energy, it's totally worth it. Being the reason a student wants to continue in music is a huge responsibility, but I think my colleagues and I are doing well.

The 2019 NAMM Show

It's been a whole year since I attended my first NAMM show. I feel like I've learned and grown a lot.

2018 NAMM Show, President's Innovation Award recipients with NAMM president Joe Lamond

I graduated from Salt Lake Community College (May 2018), thanks to the opportunity to attend the NAMM show and the requirements for the scholarship to attend. After that, I was able to focus on teaching private lessons and working at the music store. As of February 2019, I've worked for that company for three and a half years. It's crazy to see how quickly time flies.

This year, I attended the 2019 NAMM show as a Music Educator instead of a music student. I didn't attend all the seminars I wanted to, but I did spend a lot of time on the show floor meeting people and making connections with my colleagues. I think my favorite part of the NAMM show is learning about different products.

Wednesday - Although, I didn't get to attend the Taylor Guitar event, they unveiled a new model, the Grand Pacific. If you take a look at my previous post, when I took a tour of the factory, they didn't have anything about it because it hadn't been unveiled yet. My colleagues had the opportunity to see and play it.

Thursday - Getting to attend the NAMM show is always like a dream come true. This is my second year attending, so it's not as sensory overwhelming as it is the first time, but there's always so much to see and do. This year I spent a large majority of my time looking at guitars and basses. Seeing differences in things I'm familiar with and things I'm not. My colleagues had meetings to attend, so while I wasn't with them, I was able to walk around and find things that caught my eye. Last year, the Gibson Guitar Company did not attend the NAMM show, but they were fully present this year. I've loved Gibsons since I was a little girl, so to be able to see some legendary guitars, totally rocked my world.  I even got to sit on the Gibson guitar throne!
This year, I also got to take part in NAMM YP Mentorship Program. I got to meet with my mentor in person and we discussed our goals and plans for the future of the industry.
One of the things that I learned at SLCC, and NAMM, that I will never forget is that networking is an important part of the music journey. The people you work well with are generally people you meet and have things in common with. NAMM Young Professionals always have a networking reception. Music educators, faculty, students, emerging artists, composers, retailers, engineers and young professionals in the industry gather and meet. Being a young professional, you get to learn that YOU are the future of this industry. We are better suited for the needs to continue the advancement of the music industry in all aspects. That's why it's important to meet and get to know each other.  I met a lot of cool people who I will continue to make contact with.

We are the future of the industry.

Friday - More walking around and playing instruments. I focused more on saxes, because I'm currently in the market for a nicer pro horn. I finally had the opportunity to play the Sax Dakota straight Tenor saxophone! It's definitely a novelty instrument, but it's cool. You hear the sound a little bit more muffled from your perspective as a player, because the bell is by your foot. Overall, the balance in tone isn't bad. I like the color of it.
Wondering through the halls and exhibits, I saw my Jr High band director again. I continued test-playing saxes. Companies I looked at thoroughly: P. Mauriat, Cannonball, Trevor James, Sax Dakota and Antigua. Each company had a saxophone I liked, so now I have to save my pennies and find them near me.
After another networking event, I finally got to go back home. You don't realize how tired you get when you're walking around all day excited until you have to stop. I had been walking around every day that week, so I was exhausted by the end NAMM day 2.

I had to play the tenor because I'm primarily a tenor player.

Saturday - My last day at NAMM. It's always bittersweet. We checked out booths we liked and all the things we missed in the last two days. Meeting after meeting, and vendor after vendor we also saw some famous people along the way. The day flies by, and before you know it, it's time to go home.

(Aly, Tyler, Kyle, Mia @ the 2019 NAMM Show)

Aly, Mia, Lee

Kyle's playing "Don't Stop Believin'"

Wait... you're not Phil Collins?!

Sunday - Went to the beach before going home. It was hard to soak up the sun one last time. It was really memorable though, because I went back to Cabrillo beach and saw dolphins and a sea lion! That's the kind of thing I will never see in the wild back home in Utah.
Ten and a half hours later, I arrived home. There was still snow from the last snow storm and I was still in sandals from that morning. All good things must end, I guess.

I love attending the NAMM show because I learn something new every year. I love making meaningful connections with other musicians and retailers. Hanging out with my colleagues/friends outside of work (specifically our buildings) helps build stronger bonds. I look forward to hopefully ateending the 2020 NAMM show and gaining even more knowledge.

If I had to do it all again, I would 10/10 do it but differently. No matter what, it was still a great experience! 

Here's To You, California ♥

I love everything I have in Utah. The winters are rough, I want to be out and about in the sun but it's cold. With a fast-paced job & responsibilities, sometimes I just want to get away for a little while. Last year, I attended the 2018 NAMM show in Anaheim, California but due to my school schedule, I drove there and straight back. I hadn't seen the beach in two years. So, this year I finally decided I was going to take a vacation. Turns out, this was a very much needed vacation.

Sunday - I drove ten and a half hours to California. Once I got settled in the place I was staying, I drove straight to the first beach I could find. I was about 20 minutes from Long Beach. It was soothing to finally watch as the waves crashed on the shore. Cabrillo Beach was a cute, quiet, little beach in the area. There wasn't much there but that was perfect. It was really windy, and for California standards it was kind of cold. I watched the sunset and did some light meditation. To conclude my night, I went to the House of Blues in Anaheim for some good food.

Cabrillo Beach, CA

Monday - My first full day in California. It was still windy and cold, but back home my friends/family got hit with one of the worst snow storms of the year. There were over 100 car crashes that morning alone. I took full advantage of the sun and started my day at Long Beach. I had breakfast on the beach and enjoyed nature. The plan was to take the ferry to Catalina Island and spend the day there, but because the weather conditions the ferry company decided they were closed for the day. I saw the Queen Mary Hotel, which is a permanently docked ship. I then drove to Huntington Beach and spend part of the afternoon there. I checked out some local shops and even found a surfing museum, which to my disappointment, was closed on Mondays. I met some cool locals and before I knew it, it was time to go back home. I took my guitar on this trip, so I had something to play on. I'm getting so much better and playing guitar helps me keep calm.

Long Beach, CA

Queen Mary Hotel • California 

Huntington Beach, CA

Tuesday - Once I had decided I was going to be in California for a week, I knew that I had to check out the Museum of Making Music and the Taylor Guitar Factory. This was the only day I was on a schedule of any sort, because the Taylor Factory tour only happens at 1 PM daily, so if you miss it then you have to come another day. I started my day by driving to Carlsbad, CA where the Museum of Making Music is located. The museum itself is a self-guided tour experience, not only do you learn about musical instrument history but also about the history of music in America and how retail shops evolved with it. 

There was an interactive section where you could play instruments; it ranged from ukes, guitars, synths to even a theremin! I had so much fun at the museum, and I totally recommend it to all the music nerds out there. We have a very rich history of music, and to see how instruments evolved was breathtaking.

Playing a theremin • Museum of Making Music. Carlsbad, CA

After reading every detail and trying every instrument, I was on my way to El Cajon, CA to the Taylor Guitar Factory. At the Taylor Factory, we covered the different steps in the guitar making process and what makes Taylor different than other companies. It was really cool to see guitars at different points of the development process. We also covered the history of how Taylor Guitars came to be. 

Taylor Guitar Factory • El Cajon, CA

Wood

Taylor Guitar Factory

"This is a stump"

Pretty guitars

The different Taylor body shapes (accurate until 1/23/2019)

After taking the tour of the factory, I took the Pacific Coast Highway back to where I was staying. This drive is basically going from San Diego to Long Beach and it took 3+ hours. I got to watch the sunset from the highway, which was cool, but the long drive wasn't my favorite. Lesson learned, just take the freeway back. Although it was pretty neat to be driving along the coast for a while. In Utah, I'm surrounded by mountains so this change of scenery was well deserved. 

Wednesday - In preparation for this trip, I found a blogpost talking about the different places to see in the Los Angeles area. I spent my morning at Venice beach. There were a few street performers and there was a lot of cool art. I did a lot of walking that day, trying to find a doughnut shop the blog talked about but since I didn't save it I wasn't able to find it. The local shops were cute and colorful. I went on to look for the famous canals. The canals are still unique and in their own way, beautiful. 

Venice Beach, CA

Venice Canals, CA

Wednesday was the day my friends & colleagues got in to town for the 2019 NAMM show. We had previously talked about getting together and going to the beach. Due to traffic, we ended up going to Huntington Beach and experienced the sunset together. We had a lot of fun hanging at the beach and talking about the event they had attended earlier in the day(more about that in the next blog post about NAMM). As much as I loved my excursion for the last three days, it was nice to have people to talk to. 

Me, Kyle, Mia & Tyler • Huntington Beach, CA

We ended the day by having dinner at the Earl of Sandwich in [Downtown Disney] Anaheim. Going to the Earl is almost like tradition for me.

The following days were spent them at NAMM, which was the main reason for this trip. 

I love the sun and the beach. It was nice to have a couple days to myself and refuel. I think California is my home away from home. There's something about the beach that I find soothing, almost as soothing as going up to the mountains in the summer.